Mission

This is my second year to stay home with my kids, and I have learned so much. But what I have learned the most has happened within the last month. Sitting in my bsf discussion group this morning, I was listening to other mothers voice their struggles with being a mom, and their struggles were exactly like my struggles. And I knew that I had to share my story of learning what my mission is and what it means... being a mother.

What does society say about being a mother? It's unfortunate that society carries so much weight in decisions we make day in and day out. Part of what present-day society tells us about being a mother is that it's not enough. We are told and shown that we can be and do more. That being a mother doesn't have to be it. That we have more to offer, more to give. But do we feel this way reluctantly? Some do, some don't. My discussion is not over a right or wrong view of what being a good mother looks like.

"Mercy triumphs over judgement!" James 2:13

My fear, though, is that mothers are trying to "be" more in order to live up to expectations that are not their own. This was happening to me. We are all so different, with different lives, different needs, different desires, and different expectations.
But, my question is, are we making decisions based on God's will or our own will?

I have never seen more clearly what my mission of being a mother really means. For me. I share my journey in hopes that if it relates to your journey, you may be encouraged.

I began reading the book The Mission of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson. Life-changing. I can't read the pages fast enough. It's as if the author literally read my thoughts, emotions, fears, and struggles. This tells me that mothers everywhere are experiencing the same things. This is comforting! Does this sound familiar?...

"My precious little ones have endless needs. They are busy little sinful creatures who demand all of my body, time, life, emotions, and attention! As much as I love my children, I often feel like a failure."
                                                                       (The Mission of Motherhood)

One thing I do know about myself and most women, is that we are excellent multi-taskers. I can be holding a baby, cooking dinner, talking on the phone, and still have a running to-do list in my head. It comes so natural for me. My day... kids, housework, meals, school, obligations... begins to look like one loooong to-do list. That overwhelms me. I began to wonder why my days were exhausting, difficult, what seemed to be unproductive at times, and such a struggle.

To the woman he said, 
"I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children." 
Genesis 3:16

When sin entered the world, part of women's consequences were pain in childbearing. And from what I have experienced, there is also pain in child rearing. It's not easy. And it's not supposed to be easy.

What I've learned, is that God's will for me to be home and raise my children is a divine calling.

"Each of us is created with a capacity and purpose to be productive and creative in life- according to our drives, gifts, and strengths- And each one of us will be required to give an accounting of how we handled this responsibility - how we invested our lives in God's purposes- the circumstances of our particular life- for His glory."                            (The Mission of Motherhood)

This verse has become my "cornerstone" to my mission as a mother...

"Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain."                                       1 Corinthians 15:58

We are called to righteous living...

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."
                                                                                 Matthew 6:33


So, how do I live out my calling righteously? I give myself FULLY to the work of the Lord. Everyday. Every moment. What does the work of the Lord look like for me? Raising my children. Meeting their needs. Loving them. Caring for them.

I have begun to put all these pieces into practice, and it is changing me, as well as, my children. What does it look like to give ourselves FULLY to our calling... our children? I had to stop looking at them as part of my "to-do" list. That sounds harsh but please tell me you know what I mean. :) Feed the kids breakfast, unload the dishwasher, do school, feed the kids lunch, go to the park, mop the kitchen.... the never ending list. My kids are not something for me to do. They are part of me, given to me, entrusted to my care by God.
So, what does this look like on a daily basis? I have had to let go of all the things I want to accomplish each day and just BE with my children. Listen to them, their stories, their excitement, their worries... I literally make myself turn my whole body away from whatever my focus is on, and look at them in the eyes and listen to them. Not talk. But just listen. They have my attention. I am focused on them, and they know it. Mom is listening. I make myself play more. Mark is the one who has always played with the kids. I am usually busy doing one of the endless chores around the house. But I have forced myself to leave everything as it is, and just play. Sit in the middle of their rooms and play. Without my phone or a list. I force myself to shut off the running list in my head and of what I need to get done. Is this hard for you? Because it is for me. You know what's happening though? I am more content. And so are they. By investing so much time into just being with them and their interests, they become more willing and patient to let me get things done that I need to.

"Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth."       1 John 3:18

I must practice loving my children with my actions. This includes nose-wiping, diaper changing, meal preparation, wiping little hands and faces, cleaning up mess after mess, folding little shirts and shorts, tying shoes, holding, hugging, kissing... and everything in between. When I serve my children, I am serving and honoring the Lord. Think about that. When I lay their plates down in front of them, it's as if I am doing it to the Lord. When I wash their little hands, it's as if I am washing Christ's hands. My service to my children is the work of the Lord, and I must give myself FULLY to that work. As I have let go of all the unimportant stuff, and really started practicing my mission in a new light, I have been amazed and humbled by the transformation in myself and my children. I am content and joyful. Just being with them with no strings attached as brought me so much peace. Peace that I am right where I need to be doing what I'm supposed to be doing. And they are changing.

"My children can rest in the peace and security of my commitment to them."
                                                             (The Mission of Motherhood)

Bella has never been a super affectionate person. She, of her own initiative, has begun to give me hugs and kisses all throughout the day. I think she has started to do this for two reasons. One being, it's her way of showing love and appreciation for the time I am investing in her and two, she feels safe in offering that affection, knowing that my priorities are on her at any given moment. Pretty incredible.

Now this doesn't mean that I drop anything I'm doing at any given moment for any request of my children. :) But she has become aware that my day is not governed by my things... my main goal is to be with them, teach them, discipline them, serve them... all the while, serving the Lord.

Does this sound too 1950's of me? Maybe it does. But I think it's the right attitude and the right place for my heart to be. I serve my children through conscious gratitude of the Savior. Serving them is how I approach and worship God. It's not always easy. But it has lasting eternal effects on my children. And that is irreplaceable. I give God my best by giving my family my best.

"It's the way that I respond to my children in everyday moments that gives me the best chance of winning their hearts. If I have integrity and patience in the small moments of life that are so important to my children, and if I approach them with a servant's heart, then I have a far better chance of influencing them in the larger and more critical issues of life. Commit to saying yes to their requests to play, knowing that if you invest in what is important to them, they will be open to believing what is important to you."                                                                   (The Mission of Motherhood)

Bella and I have been studying the Old Testament, and God's promise of a sacrifice that would save us from our sins... Jesus. As we talked about Christ's sacrifice of his body, she asked me, "Mom, did Jesus know how much it would hurt?" Wow. "Yes, he did," I said tearfully. He was and will always be the most selfless person to ever walk the earth. He is our standard. To live selflessly for others. To give of ourselves completely. To serve. To love. To forgive.
Our children are watching us. How we act, react, serve, love... our actions are under close scrutiny. As you forgive them, don't forget to allow God to forgive you for your shortcomings. Because we know we will never get it all right, we will never live perfectly, we will sometimes fail. God saved us because we could not save ourselves.

"As we wait patiently for the fruit of our faith and service in the lives of our children to be revealed, we will see God's faithfulness. In the meantime, we can know that our choice to love our children and serve them with a whole heart, is the right one."               (This Mission of Motherhood)