One of the blogs I read, The Belgexans, is very humorous and entertaining. The mom lives in Belgium (she is from Texas) with her husband and three children. She is very real, and I love her posts. She recently posted on "Twelve Ways to Be a Happier Mom". They were so true! I wrote her and asked if I could re-post some of them, as well as, add in some of my own. She said sure (and added, "even though I really don't know what I'm talking about"). Do any of us really know what we're talking about? :)
So here they are... most are hers, a few are mine, but all are right on (in my opinion).
1. Don't Sleep When They Sleep: I know you'll hear countless people tell you otherwise, but I never feel good after I take a nap. I'm sleepier, grouchier and groggy and my stomach always hurts. Therefore I say never sleep their naptime away, but instead use that time to do NOTHING. I'm serious. NOTHING PRODUCTIVE. Instead, sit on Facebook for an hour, catch up on So You Think You Can Dance. Pretty much do whatever you want and don't feel bad about it. What you should NOT do is clean, fold laundry or organize anything. Nap time = you time.
2. Meal Plan: I am a HUGE believer in making weekly meal plans, then doing weekly grocery shopping. It's seems sort of daunting at first, but once you get used to it, you'll have no idea how you stayed sane without it. No more "what's for dinner tonight?" moments. No more staring into the fridge praying a fully cooked meal will magically pop out okay, maybe you'll still want that. Meal planning is the way to go and takes a lot of stress off. It's a must.
3. Movie while Mommy cooks dinner: I reserve our movie for the day for when I need to start making dinner. There is nothing more stressful than trying to make dinner and having whiny, bored kids clinging to you. When the weather is cooler, I send them outside to play while I cook. But with the weather the way it is now, I put on a movie. It usually works out splendidly because we haven't had the T.V. on all day, and it's something different. And mom gets to cook leech free. :)
4. Have Mom Friends: Preferably you need mom friends who have kids your own kids' ages, but that's not always necessary. But what is necessary is mom friends. I'm serious. You need them. You will not survive without them. If you have mom friends, you are all in the same boat. You'll either go out a night where the daddies can babysit after the kids are in bed, or you just do more kid friendly things. There is really nothing like sitting around in the living room and having all the kids playing everywhere and you are still getting to hang out with your girlfriends. It's fun :)
5. Get Involved in Church/Community: This sort of goes with number four, but you really should get involved with your church by joining a small group. Chances are there are mom groups/family groups that are already meeting a few times a month. You have no idea what that kind of fellowship does for the soul. It will be SO refreshing to get around people of like mind once or twice a month (in addition to church of course) and just drink in that kind of camaraderie. Then as a byproduct you'll also start getting close with other people in your church and have instant "let's go to lunch this Sunday" partners, which leads to more of number 4 time. It's a win-win.
6. Be a Smoocher: I like to attack my kids throughout the day and smother them in kisses till they say some random line like "I'M A MOMMA'S BOY!" or "YOU'RE MY FAVORITE!" They laugh till they can't breathe and it helps me remember why I like being a mom even when they drop a load of stinky poo on the tile floor.
7. Go to Ikea: There are some days that you just HAVE to get out of the house, but the weather tends to be an issue here in Belgium as it rains a lot. So what is a mom to do? Why take the kids to Ikea of course! They have the free children's play area where you drop your kids off and come back for them in like 90 minutes or so. You get to go up to the cafe or peruse the showroom floor while someone else watches your kids FOR FREE. The kids have a blast and you get a break. Does it get any better than that? Then you top it off with a 1 euro ice cream cone for each kid and you become mom of the year.
8. Read: Reading is a great way to get your mind off of things whether they are mundane or intensely stressful. Read, read, read! I think it's good for your kids to see you reading too as it will inspire them to read as well.
9. Have Dance Parties: We do this a lot in my house. A lot. We just put music on and let the kids dance like crazy. The genre always changes: Michael Jackson's Greatest Hits, Jesus Culture, Abba, Taylor Swift, Hits of Broadway, IHOP Prayer Room, Disney, or the ChaCha Slide - it doesn't really matter, but it's fun to push the furniture back, turn the music up loud and dance around with your kids or just watch them dance. It always brings lots of smiles and laughs and that, my friend, is good for the soul and will make ANY mom happier.
10. Make Your Fussy Kid Have Day-Do-Over: I got this idea from my sister who does this with her kids. It works WONDERS on my son who can get in a funk. If they start getting super fussy and/or whiney and everything is the "end of the world" and tears are flowing; they need a day-do-over. I tell Shiloh he needs to go back to bed. I take him into his room (he's normally crying at this point over something that someone did that he felt has irreparably affected his life) and I give him his paci, lay him back in his bed and tell him he needs to spend some time in his room. He can get out of bed and play with the toys in his room, but he is not allowed to leave his room till I come and get him. He cries for a bit, but then chills out and sometimes falls asleep or starts playing or sometimes he just lays there. I'll leave him in his room sometimes for 30 minutes, or sometimes an hour or so. EVERY SINGLE TIME, when he comes back downstairs, his mood is dramatically different. He just needed a day-do-over.
11. Go on a Walk: With the kids in tow, just grab the double stroller, or tell them they can ride their bike and off you go on a walk... AROUND THE BLOCK. Not 3 miles down to the park. Not on an "exercise worthy" route, but just around the block. Because lets be real, if you try to go anywhere far, you'll end up carrying them or their bike back or dealing with a screaming baby and a toddler who keeps saying "I get down, I get down!" but then walks slower than molasses. Then by the time you get home you're tired and you get back feeling overwhelmed and sweaty. But if you just go around the block, the kids still felt like they did something and you're not tired.
12. Lower your Expectations: This was one of the ones in the article I did agree with, because as I've said before, no mom is super mom. Just because your primary function may be caretaker of your children and home, doesn't mean your house has to sparkle at every minute of every day, that every meal is restaurant worthy and your children have had your undivided attention the entire day. YOU HAVE KIDS. It's a lot of work. Some days you're going to rock at being a mom and some days you'll just cry your way through blunder after blunder. Don't be too hard on yourself.
13. Start your morning in prayer: I am living proof that this one simple act can dramatically affect how the rest of the day will go for everyone. It's like getting all your gear on before battle. :)
Really I think that the most important thing is just to be happy with yourself and you'll be a happier mom. I know how "duh" that sounds, but it can be hard when all you do is wipe fluid from every possible orifice on a person's body. It's hard to feel sexy when your body is being used to nourish another human being. It's hard to want to get out of the house when you feel tired just thinking about finding everyone's shoes.
What are ways you stay "happy"?
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
The Expected and Unexpected...
of being a stay-at-home mom. As you know, I have highly anticipated being at home with Bella and Jack, and there have been things that are exactly the way I thought they would be. They have also been a few surprises along the way.
Expected
1. One of my favorite moments of the day is scooping up Bella and Jack when they wake up in the morning. They are cuddly with big smiles on their faces, and we all know that the day is ours to do as we please. It's the best feeling.
2. Freedom... to go along with #1, I love having the freedom of an open slate everyday. To choose what we want to do (or not do). To know I have errands to run and actually be able to run them. Or to have Bella says she want to go swimming and just hop in the car and go swimming. To not have to make the last doctor's appointment of the day. I love the freedom.
3. Family time. I knew I would love this one. We have so much family time now. When I was working, Mark watched the kids while I was at work and vice versa. We were together as a family very little. He's home with us 3 to 4 days a week, and it's awesome. Today we decided last minute that we wanted to run up to Cabelas and let the kids look at all the animals, so we did and had a great time.
4. Lack of adult interaction. I knew I would miss this and some days would be hard without it. And I was right. It hasn't been horrible, but I do have my days where all I want to do is go out with a girlfriend, have a margarita, and talk about anything but kids. :)
5. Patience. I need lots of patience everyday, and I was not in the dark about this. Being at home all day, everyday with your kids is awesome yet stinkin hard at the same time. It doesn't matter if we are having a really good day or a really trying day, my patience tank is usually almost empty at the end of every day. I take a lot of deep breaths, say a lot of quick prayers, and force myself to speak slowly and calmly. It doesn't necessarily have to be anything big that tries my patience. It can be one thing after another... dogs track in mud, while I'm cleaning it up someone spills their milk on the floor (accident so don't get upset), 2 things to clean up now, one diaper that needs to be changed, phone ringing, sweat pouring down face because the back door is open for whatever reason... should I go on? See, nothing major happened- just lots of little things that make me stand up, take a deep breath, and say, "God give me patience". :)
Unexpected
1. I did not expect to miss putting on make-up and dressing in cute clothes everyday. It was a nice break at first, but then you start to feel pretty dumpy. And then it's hard to feel good about how you look (paired with the whole pregnancy weigh gaining thing). It's hard for me to justify putting on make-up though if all we're doing that day is swimming, going to the park, running to the grocery store, or staying home. I mean, make-up is expensive. Why waste it if no one you know is going to see you? I always do my hair though (kind of have to), so that's good I guess.
2. I found out very quickly that I need time for myself in the morning before the kids wake up. I like to get up at least an hour and a half before they do. I make my coffee, check my email, make my bed, read in the Word and pray, and shower. It let's me get organized physically and mentally, and I am much better equipped to start my day with the kids.
3. I love hanging out with other stay at home moms and meeting up for playdates. Playdates were never really my thing (never enough time), but I feel more relaxed now, and I have really enjoyed getting to know the women and kids in the mom's group at church.
4. I have to have a picked up house. Notice I didn't say clean. I can handle a little dust and dirt before I clean, but I can't do clutter. Now that I'm home everyday, I have to have an environment that doesn't stay chaotic. Trust me, our house gets chaotic (#5 above), but I can't let it stay that way. We pick things up before we get something else out, all beds are made, dishes are done after every meal, and there's no clutter on surfaces. I sound kind of crazy, but it's the only way I can keep from going crazy.
5. I live with a four year old that is high maintenance. I sort of knew this- just not the extent of it. Her question to me every (literally) every morning is, "So mom, what are we going to do today?" She asks for a run down starting with breakfast and ending with bedtime. I am not kidding. She loves a schedule (she definitely gets that from me.) So, we have a white board with our daily schedule what we go over every morning. :) And I have to plan lots of activities! Lots! Which brings me to #6...
6. Pinterest has saved me. If you don't know what I'm talking about, you are probably better for it. Pinterest gives me SO many fun, inexpensive activities to do with my kids. Bella's love right now is crafts, so we do crafts almost everyday. Most are fast and easy, but they keep her engaged and she loves doing them.
7. Pinterest has also evoked a love for home projects in me. If you know me, you know that words like crafty, creative, or homey do not describe me. But I am telling you, I am so into little home projects right now that I am driving Mark crazy. It's so much fun!
I'm sure I will have more as the months go by, but this is what I've come up with so far. There's never a dull moment (as my mother says).
Expected
1. One of my favorite moments of the day is scooping up Bella and Jack when they wake up in the morning. They are cuddly with big smiles on their faces, and we all know that the day is ours to do as we please. It's the best feeling.
2. Freedom... to go along with #1, I love having the freedom of an open slate everyday. To choose what we want to do (or not do). To know I have errands to run and actually be able to run them. Or to have Bella says she want to go swimming and just hop in the car and go swimming. To not have to make the last doctor's appointment of the day. I love the freedom.
3. Family time. I knew I would love this one. We have so much family time now. When I was working, Mark watched the kids while I was at work and vice versa. We were together as a family very little. He's home with us 3 to 4 days a week, and it's awesome. Today we decided last minute that we wanted to run up to Cabelas and let the kids look at all the animals, so we did and had a great time.
4. Lack of adult interaction. I knew I would miss this and some days would be hard without it. And I was right. It hasn't been horrible, but I do have my days where all I want to do is go out with a girlfriend, have a margarita, and talk about anything but kids. :)
5. Patience. I need lots of patience everyday, and I was not in the dark about this. Being at home all day, everyday with your kids is awesome yet stinkin hard at the same time. It doesn't matter if we are having a really good day or a really trying day, my patience tank is usually almost empty at the end of every day. I take a lot of deep breaths, say a lot of quick prayers, and force myself to speak slowly and calmly. It doesn't necessarily have to be anything big that tries my patience. It can be one thing after another... dogs track in mud, while I'm cleaning it up someone spills their milk on the floor (accident so don't get upset), 2 things to clean up now, one diaper that needs to be changed, phone ringing, sweat pouring down face because the back door is open for whatever reason... should I go on? See, nothing major happened- just lots of little things that make me stand up, take a deep breath, and say, "God give me patience". :)
Unexpected
1. I did not expect to miss putting on make-up and dressing in cute clothes everyday. It was a nice break at first, but then you start to feel pretty dumpy. And then it's hard to feel good about how you look (paired with the whole pregnancy weigh gaining thing). It's hard for me to justify putting on make-up though if all we're doing that day is swimming, going to the park, running to the grocery store, or staying home. I mean, make-up is expensive. Why waste it if no one you know is going to see you? I always do my hair though (kind of have to), so that's good I guess.
2. I found out very quickly that I need time for myself in the morning before the kids wake up. I like to get up at least an hour and a half before they do. I make my coffee, check my email, make my bed, read in the Word and pray, and shower. It let's me get organized physically and mentally, and I am much better equipped to start my day with the kids.
3. I love hanging out with other stay at home moms and meeting up for playdates. Playdates were never really my thing (never enough time), but I feel more relaxed now, and I have really enjoyed getting to know the women and kids in the mom's group at church.
4. I have to have a picked up house. Notice I didn't say clean. I can handle a little dust and dirt before I clean, but I can't do clutter. Now that I'm home everyday, I have to have an environment that doesn't stay chaotic. Trust me, our house gets chaotic (#5 above), but I can't let it stay that way. We pick things up before we get something else out, all beds are made, dishes are done after every meal, and there's no clutter on surfaces. I sound kind of crazy, but it's the only way I can keep from going crazy.
5. I live with a four year old that is high maintenance. I sort of knew this- just not the extent of it. Her question to me every (literally) every morning is, "So mom, what are we going to do today?" She asks for a run down starting with breakfast and ending with bedtime. I am not kidding. She loves a schedule (she definitely gets that from me.) So, we have a white board with our daily schedule what we go over every morning. :) And I have to plan lots of activities! Lots! Which brings me to #6...
6. Pinterest has saved me. If you don't know what I'm talking about, you are probably better for it. Pinterest gives me SO many fun, inexpensive activities to do with my kids. Bella's love right now is crafts, so we do crafts almost everyday. Most are fast and easy, but they keep her engaged and she loves doing them.
7. Pinterest has also evoked a love for home projects in me. If you know me, you know that words like crafty, creative, or homey do not describe me. But I am telling you, I am so into little home projects right now that I am driving Mark crazy. It's so much fun!
I'm sure I will have more as the months go by, but this is what I've come up with so far. There's never a dull moment (as my mother says).
Halfway with Baby #3
The title tells you that we still do not know the sex of our baby! :) My sonogram appointment went great, and the nurse did an awesome job of making sure we didn't see a thing. I told her as soon as we were in the room (Mark was able to go) that we did not want to know what we were having. She kept turning the screen away from us and keeping a really good angle above the belly. We were able to watch her check and measure the spine, bladder, kidneys, head, and bones which was really cool. I'm telling you, seeing your child moving around on a screen and seeing all their organs and parts never gets old. It's just amazing. The baby was moving alot, so she had the screen turned away from us quite a bit. She was able to get us a couple of pictures.
My mom thinks we are having a boy, and my doctor (who did not do the sonogram) thinks we need to start arguing over girl names. Anybody's guess is as good as mine. I have no idea.
This is me at 21 weeks:
Some of the juicy details:
- I have gained 12 lbs so far (not great but not horrible). My goal is to gain around 25.
- I don't have any crazy cravings. I have been unable to eat queso though. Anytime Mark suggests chips and queso, I literally get nauseous. Funny. But true.
- I don't have any aches or pains yet, and I don't forsee any major ones. My other two pregnancies were pretty smooth sailing.
- I try and walk an hour every night. This is as much for my mental health as it is for my physical health.
- I still have not pulled out any maternity clothes. The truth is I don't like most maternity clothes. I try to take what I have and make it work. A perfect example is the picture above. I wear a tank top (long and lean from Target) almost every day with a skirt or cotton shorts. And I wear alot of cotton dresses.
- They changed my due date yesterday from Dec. 27 to Dec. 23. Which means I will probably have a baby around the 19th if I let my doctor induce me (which I am leaning towards). My reasons for allowing him to induce are that Bella and Jack were both induced with no complications. The only complication I had was with the epidural, which is why I am going to try and not get one this time. I also am leaning towards being induced so that I can be home with all my babies on Christmas, rather than in the hospital. We'll see...
I guess that's it. Not alot to report which is probably a good thing. This pregnancy is different in the fact that I don't have alot of time to let it affect my daily routine in a negative way. I have two other children to take care of, and they don't let me sit down until rest time. :)
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| Aerial view of face- I call it the alien shot :) |
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| Itty bitty foot |
My mom thinks we are having a boy, and my doctor (who did not do the sonogram) thinks we need to start arguing over girl names. Anybody's guess is as good as mine. I have no idea.
This is me at 21 weeks:
Some of the juicy details:
- I have gained 12 lbs so far (not great but not horrible). My goal is to gain around 25.
- I don't have any crazy cravings. I have been unable to eat queso though. Anytime Mark suggests chips and queso, I literally get nauseous. Funny. But true.
- I don't have any aches or pains yet, and I don't forsee any major ones. My other two pregnancies were pretty smooth sailing.
- I try and walk an hour every night. This is as much for my mental health as it is for my physical health.
- I still have not pulled out any maternity clothes. The truth is I don't like most maternity clothes. I try to take what I have and make it work. A perfect example is the picture above. I wear a tank top (long and lean from Target) almost every day with a skirt or cotton shorts. And I wear alot of cotton dresses.
- They changed my due date yesterday from Dec. 27 to Dec. 23. Which means I will probably have a baby around the 19th if I let my doctor induce me (which I am leaning towards). My reasons for allowing him to induce are that Bella and Jack were both induced with no complications. The only complication I had was with the epidural, which is why I am going to try and not get one this time. I also am leaning towards being induced so that I can be home with all my babies on Christmas, rather than in the hospital. We'll see...
I guess that's it. Not alot to report which is probably a good thing. This pregnancy is different in the fact that I don't have alot of time to let it affect my daily routine in a negative way. I have two other children to take care of, and they don't let me sit down until rest time. :)
Monday, August 15, 2011
Thankful
"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord..."
I've been awake since 5:00am because Mark's phone starting ringing. It was work to tell him they were putting him on call today. I had been asleep since before 10 last night, which is rare for me, but I went to bed with an upset stomach. Anyways, all that to say, I've been lying awake in bed thinking, thinking, thinking, unable to fall back asleep. So, here I am blogging about it. :)
I am thankful. Especially this morning. This morning is the first official day back for teachers. And I will not be there (insert bittersweet tone). I got to see my sweet sweet friends from work last week. We had a cook-out and swim party, and I begged them to invite me, even though I'm not on the "team" anymore. :) I love my friends. We laughed and talked and watched all the kiddos. And I knew I would miss them tremendously.
What I haven't missed, however, are the dreaded thoughts that usually start working their way into my head weeks before school starts. Thoughts like, "Life is about to get crazy busy again, How am I going to leave my babies everyday, Everybody is already up at school working and I'll be so behind, There's so much I need to do, If only I had a few more weeks of summer, I can't do this, I don't want to do this, I don't have a choice." Even Mark would dread the approaching day that forced us to return to crazy days, crazy schedules, and being together as a family a couple of hours a night. I can't even describe how weird, surreal, and completely unbelievable it is to me that I am not going to be at work this morning. The day has finally arrived that it was supposed to set in, and it still doesn't feel like it has. But I know it's real, and for that I am so very thankful to my precious Savior for showing me love and mercy everyday, and for giving me this extraordinary opportunity to stay home with my babies. This is something I have wanted for four years, and it's finally here! Can you hear the joy in my voice? I can't help but think I appreciate it more now than I would have four years ago.
This does not come without sacrifice though, and I am fully aware of that, but also willing. My realtionships will change with my friends at work. This is inevitable. I will have to work that much harder to get adult interaction. It's also hard somedays to feel like I am making a difference or using my talents. Also, less freedom with money. Sacrifices. For me though, they are so minute compared to the return I am getting. There's not a hestitation or question in my mind that this is where I am supposed to be right now in my life, and I couldn't be more humbled, joyful, or thankful.
I'm going to hold onto my Bella and my Jack extra tight today and not take this moment for granted. Today will be a good day. :)
*Sidenote- I just have to add this for my own peace of mind. I am in no way through this post trying to come down on working moms. I respect everyone's decisions for their lives, and you will find no judgement from me. I am merely expressing my appreciation and joy to the Lord for the path my life is on right now. :)
Ok- on a different note, I have a sonogram today to see our little squirmy baby boy or girl. Now that Mark is on call, there is a possibility that he can come with me. This is a good thing for obvious reasons, and a bad thing because he will be tempted to peek. Remember, we are not finding out the sex of our baby (yay for surprises!), and I am may have to threaten him a little. Wish me luck.
I've been awake since 5:00am because Mark's phone starting ringing. It was work to tell him they were putting him on call today. I had been asleep since before 10 last night, which is rare for me, but I went to bed with an upset stomach. Anyways, all that to say, I've been lying awake in bed thinking, thinking, thinking, unable to fall back asleep. So, here I am blogging about it. :)
I am thankful. Especially this morning. This morning is the first official day back for teachers. And I will not be there (insert bittersweet tone). I got to see my sweet sweet friends from work last week. We had a cook-out and swim party, and I begged them to invite me, even though I'm not on the "team" anymore. :) I love my friends. We laughed and talked and watched all the kiddos. And I knew I would miss them tremendously.
What I haven't missed, however, are the dreaded thoughts that usually start working their way into my head weeks before school starts. Thoughts like, "Life is about to get crazy busy again, How am I going to leave my babies everyday, Everybody is already up at school working and I'll be so behind, There's so much I need to do, If only I had a few more weeks of summer, I can't do this, I don't want to do this, I don't have a choice." Even Mark would dread the approaching day that forced us to return to crazy days, crazy schedules, and being together as a family a couple of hours a night. I can't even describe how weird, surreal, and completely unbelievable it is to me that I am not going to be at work this morning. The day has finally arrived that it was supposed to set in, and it still doesn't feel like it has. But I know it's real, and for that I am so very thankful to my precious Savior for showing me love and mercy everyday, and for giving me this extraordinary opportunity to stay home with my babies. This is something I have wanted for four years, and it's finally here! Can you hear the joy in my voice? I can't help but think I appreciate it more now than I would have four years ago.
This does not come without sacrifice though, and I am fully aware of that, but also willing. My realtionships will change with my friends at work. This is inevitable. I will have to work that much harder to get adult interaction. It's also hard somedays to feel like I am making a difference or using my talents. Also, less freedom with money. Sacrifices. For me though, they are so minute compared to the return I am getting. There's not a hestitation or question in my mind that this is where I am supposed to be right now in my life, and I couldn't be more humbled, joyful, or thankful.
I'm going to hold onto my Bella and my Jack extra tight today and not take this moment for granted. Today will be a good day. :)
*Sidenote- I just have to add this for my own peace of mind. I am in no way through this post trying to come down on working moms. I respect everyone's decisions for their lives, and you will find no judgement from me. I am merely expressing my appreciation and joy to the Lord for the path my life is on right now. :)
Ok- on a different note, I have a sonogram today to see our little squirmy baby boy or girl. Now that Mark is on call, there is a possibility that he can come with me. This is a good thing for obvious reasons, and a bad thing because he will be tempted to peek. Remember, we are not finding out the sex of our baby (yay for surprises!), and I am may have to threaten him a little. Wish me luck.
Happy Monday Everyone!
Upcoming posts (this helps me remember what I want to blog about):
- Bella turns 4
- The expected and unexpected from being a stay at home mom
- ABC's vs Play
- Half-way with Baby #3
Monday, June 27, 2011
A Special Christmas Gift
Our most anticipated Christmas gift this year is the arrival of this little girl or boy ...
We are SO excited to be welcoming this new little miracle into our family this December. It will be an extra special surprise because we will not be finding out the sex of this baby. :) We have a few loyal supporters of this decision and quite a few hacked off people that will remain nameless. (Meghan and Erika) :)
This may end up being a lengthy post, but I wanted to tell my personal story into motherhood. I've thought a lot about whether or not to share this, but I think it's important. Why? To reach others who may be experiencing the same hurt or loss that I did. To offer hope. To show Christ's grace.
My story:
Pretty soon after Mark and I got married (1 1/2 years), I wanted to have a baby. I really wanted to have a baby. It actually surprised me how strong my feelings were towards the whole matter. Mark and I always knew we wanted to have kids, but I had always said I wanted to wait about 4 or 5 years. So why was I having such strong feelings? There is no way to really describe it. It comes from within, I believe from God. It is the way a woman is made. I couldn't even explain it to Mark. I just said, "I want to have a baby." And he said, "Really? Right now? Uh...okay!" When you make the decision to have a baby, it is very exciting and little scary too. We asked ourselves several times if we were sure about this. We started trying, and I, being naive, was very surprised and disappointed that we did not become pregnant after our first month. So, of course, I began researching what's a "normal" length of time it can take to get pregnant. My research told me that up to a year was a perfectly normal amount of time to conceive. A year?! That won't be us. At least we have a year to try until we are not "normal".
The next year consisted of many ovulation test kits, temperature readings, sex, negative pregnancy tests (close to 50 probably), and two very frustrated people. In hindsight, I was too aggressive and uptight about the whole situation. I had tunnel vision. Get pregnant. That was it. My poor husband encouraged me, loved on me, prayed with me, let me cry on him... and was ALWAYS hopeful. He couldn't relate though to my intense desire to have a baby. He wanted one too, but it just wasn't the same as what I was experiencing. This was a difficult time for us.
At the end of our first year of trying, my ob/gyn put me on an ovulatory stimulant called Clomid. It's purpose is to induce ovulation (egg production) in women who do not produce ova (eggs) but wish to become pregnant (infertility). It is a pill that is taken daily, and you are also required to have blood taken every month to test for ovulation. I was so excited to finally be getting some kind of help. This had to work! This was the answer! Six long months later, we still were not pregnant. My long drawn out sob sessions included questions like, "What is wrong with me? What have I done wrong? Why do I want a baby so bad if I can't have one? How come everyone else can get pregnant so easily?" They were no answers to those questions.
After our six rounds with Clomid, my ob/gyn said this was the place in the road where she could no longer help us. She referred us to several fertility specialists, and after my mother-in-law did some research for us, we chose the Center for Assisted Reproduction. It was a very scary and humbling experience to call for an appointment and then show up for the appointment. As you walk up the sidewalk, the first thing that catches you eye is the sign on the front door: No children permitted. Hmmm.. that seemed a bit harsh at first, but then I walked in and saw the entire waiting area full of men and women just like us. They all wanted what we wanted. They all needed help just like us. They were anxious too. I was so overwhelmed by God's love at that moment because I knew He wasn't punishing me for something. This was life. This was a hardship that thousands of people, other that me, were dealing with. I wasn't alone. He loved us all and wanted what was best for us. It was a huge stepping stone for me. The place was amazing. It had so many rooms with state of the art equipment, a media room for training, conference rooms, sterile labs, and in vitro lab, and more. Wow. We met our doctor, who was fierce and amazing, and she immediately said she wanted to start with an exam and sonogram to see what she was dealing with. Seconds into the exam, she stated that she saw an endometrioma on my left ovary. An endometrioma is a mass of tissue (noncancerous cyst or tumor) that contains shreds of endometrial tissue. She told me I had endometriosis, and she could treat it using a surgical procedure called laparoscopy. During this procedure, she would cut or burn away endometrial lesions. We went home and prayed, and knew we wanted to do the surgery. We went back for another consultation as to what are treatment would look like post surgery. Our doctor felt like our best option would be a drug called Follistim and a procedure called IUI. In a nutshell, it was a daily injection (given by my stud RN) followed by insemination at the exact right time. I drove to the CFAR many many times for blood tests, sonograms, and more. This treatment was very expensive, and I remember crying not knowing how we would ever afford it. God is gracious and faithful, and through the generous donation of a very special person, we were going to be able to do a treatment after my surgery.
My surgery went great, no complications, and the following month, I began my treatment. Nightly shots in the belly. Sounds fun, huh? I know some people may be wondering, when is enough enough? I don't know. I think it's different for everyone. It was something that I needed to try, for us. At the end of our first treatment, including shots and insemination, I went in for a pregnancy blood test. They called me that afternoon to tell me it was negative. Stunned. Disbelief. Anger. Tears. Sadness. Hurt. I laid on the couch that night numb to everything around me. There were no words. Mark laid by me with his arms around me, and we were silent. There was nothing to say that hadn't already been said. There were prayers spoken in our hearts. Lots of prayers.
God is a compassionate and loving God. He already knows what your entire life looks like. He already knew that we would receive another generous donation for a second treatment, and that at the end of that treatment after a blood test, on a December afternoon, I would receive a phone call in the car from my doctor telling me I was p.r.e.g.n.a.n.t. God knows. God hears. God cares. God loves.
I was in a daze. I drove around aimlessly not knowing what I was doing. I called the doctor back to make sure she had called the right person. I called Mark sobbing. We gave thanks. I went and made this poster to tell our family.
9 months later, she was born...
"But I trust in your unfailing love, My heart rejoices in your salvation, I will sing to the Lord, For He has been good to me." Psalm 13:5-6
I was a mother. Finally. It was and still is the most wonderful privilege to be her mother. I love her so much, and she teaches and stretches me everyday.
After we had Bella, we knew we wanted more children but had no idea what that might involve. Another surgery? More treatments? We decided we would not prevent pregnancy in hopes that we could get pregnant naturally, without more treatments. 18 months later, I took and read my first positive home pregnancy test (after approx. 100 neg. ones). We were elated and in awe of God's grace. We didn't deserve this gift. What an extraordinary blessing to have another child! We welcomed...
"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you." Jeremiah 29:11-12
We were a very blessed family. And we knew who to thank.
And we know who to thank again for our sweet and special third child. Who came to us very quickly and who we know we are so blessed to have. Thank you Jesus for caring, loving, knowing, listening. Thank you for your faithfulness and your grace. And thank you for all the women who are able to get pregnant easily. Thank for all the children in this world. They are all your children and amazing miracles!
I wrote my story to offer hope to others. We all face trials that are very difficult. The message is still the same. God hears. God knows. I will never take for granted being a mother or carrying a child. I know women who faced infertility longer than I did and who are still facing it. If you know someone who is (or has experienced the loss of a child) reach out. I know it may be awkward because you may not know what to say, but I can't tell you enough how much words of encouragement lifted my spirits when I was down. I received so many letters during those two years, and I saved every single one of them. They mean so much to me. I remember texts of, "I'm praying for you." Simple but meaningful. My family and friends were so faithful with their prayers during this time, and I will always remember that.
I close with this... I am so thankful God allowed me to go through this experience. As raw as the memories still are (I cried through this entire post), I would never want my journey any different. It has shaped me, given me compassion, strengthened me, and changed me.
"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned to be content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus." Phil. 4:12, 19
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| Baby VW makes three! |
We are SO excited to be welcoming this new little miracle into our family this December. It will be an extra special surprise because we will not be finding out the sex of this baby. :) We have a few loyal supporters of this decision and quite a few hacked off people that will remain nameless. (Meghan and Erika) :)
This may end up being a lengthy post, but I wanted to tell my personal story into motherhood. I've thought a lot about whether or not to share this, but I think it's important. Why? To reach others who may be experiencing the same hurt or loss that I did. To offer hope. To show Christ's grace.
My story:
Pretty soon after Mark and I got married (1 1/2 years), I wanted to have a baby. I really wanted to have a baby. It actually surprised me how strong my feelings were towards the whole matter. Mark and I always knew we wanted to have kids, but I had always said I wanted to wait about 4 or 5 years. So why was I having such strong feelings? There is no way to really describe it. It comes from within, I believe from God. It is the way a woman is made. I couldn't even explain it to Mark. I just said, "I want to have a baby." And he said, "Really? Right now? Uh...okay!" When you make the decision to have a baby, it is very exciting and little scary too. We asked ourselves several times if we were sure about this. We started trying, and I, being naive, was very surprised and disappointed that we did not become pregnant after our first month. So, of course, I began researching what's a "normal" length of time it can take to get pregnant. My research told me that up to a year was a perfectly normal amount of time to conceive. A year?! That won't be us. At least we have a year to try until we are not "normal".
The next year consisted of many ovulation test kits, temperature readings, sex, negative pregnancy tests (close to 50 probably), and two very frustrated people. In hindsight, I was too aggressive and uptight about the whole situation. I had tunnel vision. Get pregnant. That was it. My poor husband encouraged me, loved on me, prayed with me, let me cry on him... and was ALWAYS hopeful. He couldn't relate though to my intense desire to have a baby. He wanted one too, but it just wasn't the same as what I was experiencing. This was a difficult time for us.
At the end of our first year of trying, my ob/gyn put me on an ovulatory stimulant called Clomid. It's purpose is to induce ovulation (egg production) in women who do not produce ova (eggs) but wish to become pregnant (infertility). It is a pill that is taken daily, and you are also required to have blood taken every month to test for ovulation. I was so excited to finally be getting some kind of help. This had to work! This was the answer! Six long months later, we still were not pregnant. My long drawn out sob sessions included questions like, "What is wrong with me? What have I done wrong? Why do I want a baby so bad if I can't have one? How come everyone else can get pregnant so easily?" They were no answers to those questions.
After our six rounds with Clomid, my ob/gyn said this was the place in the road where she could no longer help us. She referred us to several fertility specialists, and after my mother-in-law did some research for us, we chose the Center for Assisted Reproduction. It was a very scary and humbling experience to call for an appointment and then show up for the appointment. As you walk up the sidewalk, the first thing that catches you eye is the sign on the front door: No children permitted. Hmmm.. that seemed a bit harsh at first, but then I walked in and saw the entire waiting area full of men and women just like us. They all wanted what we wanted. They all needed help just like us. They were anxious too. I was so overwhelmed by God's love at that moment because I knew He wasn't punishing me for something. This was life. This was a hardship that thousands of people, other that me, were dealing with. I wasn't alone. He loved us all and wanted what was best for us. It was a huge stepping stone for me. The place was amazing. It had so many rooms with state of the art equipment, a media room for training, conference rooms, sterile labs, and in vitro lab, and more. Wow. We met our doctor, who was fierce and amazing, and she immediately said she wanted to start with an exam and sonogram to see what she was dealing with. Seconds into the exam, she stated that she saw an endometrioma on my left ovary. An endometrioma is a mass of tissue (noncancerous cyst or tumor) that contains shreds of endometrial tissue. She told me I had endometriosis, and she could treat it using a surgical procedure called laparoscopy. During this procedure, she would cut or burn away endometrial lesions. We went home and prayed, and knew we wanted to do the surgery. We went back for another consultation as to what are treatment would look like post surgery. Our doctor felt like our best option would be a drug called Follistim and a procedure called IUI. In a nutshell, it was a daily injection (given by my stud RN) followed by insemination at the exact right time. I drove to the CFAR many many times for blood tests, sonograms, and more. This treatment was very expensive, and I remember crying not knowing how we would ever afford it. God is gracious and faithful, and through the generous donation of a very special person, we were going to be able to do a treatment after my surgery.
My surgery went great, no complications, and the following month, I began my treatment. Nightly shots in the belly. Sounds fun, huh? I know some people may be wondering, when is enough enough? I don't know. I think it's different for everyone. It was something that I needed to try, for us. At the end of our first treatment, including shots and insemination, I went in for a pregnancy blood test. They called me that afternoon to tell me it was negative. Stunned. Disbelief. Anger. Tears. Sadness. Hurt. I laid on the couch that night numb to everything around me. There were no words. Mark laid by me with his arms around me, and we were silent. There was nothing to say that hadn't already been said. There were prayers spoken in our hearts. Lots of prayers.
God is a compassionate and loving God. He already knows what your entire life looks like. He already knew that we would receive another generous donation for a second treatment, and that at the end of that treatment after a blood test, on a December afternoon, I would receive a phone call in the car from my doctor telling me I was p.r.e.g.n.a.n.t. God knows. God hears. God cares. God loves.
I was in a daze. I drove around aimlessly not knowing what I was doing. I called the doctor back to make sure she had called the right person. I called Mark sobbing. We gave thanks. I went and made this poster to tell our family.
9 months later, she was born...
 |
| Bella Kathryn |
"But I trust in your unfailing love, My heart rejoices in your salvation, I will sing to the Lord, For He has been good to me." Psalm 13:5-6
I was a mother. Finally. It was and still is the most wonderful privilege to be her mother. I love her so much, and she teaches and stretches me everyday.
After we had Bella, we knew we wanted more children but had no idea what that might involve. Another surgery? More treatments? We decided we would not prevent pregnancy in hopes that we could get pregnant naturally, without more treatments. 18 months later, I took and read my first positive home pregnancy test (after approx. 100 neg. ones). We were elated and in awe of God's grace. We didn't deserve this gift. What an extraordinary blessing to have another child! We welcomed...
 |
Jack Anson meaning "God is gracious" |
"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you." Jeremiah 29:11-12
We were a very blessed family. And we knew who to thank.
And we know who to thank again for our sweet and special third child. Who came to us very quickly and who we know we are so blessed to have. Thank you Jesus for caring, loving, knowing, listening. Thank you for your faithfulness and your grace. And thank you for all the women who are able to get pregnant easily. Thank for all the children in this world. They are all your children and amazing miracles!
I wrote my story to offer hope to others. We all face trials that are very difficult. The message is still the same. God hears. God knows. I will never take for granted being a mother or carrying a child. I know women who faced infertility longer than I did and who are still facing it. If you know someone who is (or has experienced the loss of a child) reach out. I know it may be awkward because you may not know what to say, but I can't tell you enough how much words of encouragement lifted my spirits when I was down. I received so many letters during those two years, and I saved every single one of them. They mean so much to me. I remember texts of, "I'm praying for you." Simple but meaningful. My family and friends were so faithful with their prayers during this time, and I will always remember that.
I close with this... I am so thankful God allowed me to go through this experience. As raw as the memories still are (I cried through this entire post), I would never want my journey any different. It has shaped me, given me compassion, strengthened me, and changed me.
"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned to be content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus." Phil. 4:12, 19
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Girl's Trip
Have you ever gotten away with just the girls? It really is the best. And a must. Three of my girl pals and I headed down to Port Aransas for a long weekend of just the girls... no boys or children allowed. Our days spend there included lots of laying on the beach, reading books, floating in the pool, taking naps, and eating lots of food. It was great.
I also decided, along with my sister-in-law, to do something I've wanted to do for a long time. Unfortantely, I only have a picture of me and not the two of us.
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| Oh yea... nose rings :) |
I'm adding this several days later... So, bestie Meghan sent me the picture of both Erika and me after our little adventure.
Flower Girl
Two weekends ago, Bella had the priviledge of being a flower girl in her Uncle Andrew and now Aunt Eileen's wedding. She did a fabulous job and was super cute! As was her very handsome cousin, the ring bearer.
Special thanks to Uncle Micah and Aunt Erika for watching Jack and his cousin during the wedding, as well as, all the little VW children during the rehearsal dinner. You two were greatly appreciated (and super fun)!
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| How sweet is this? |
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| I love their faces in this one |
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| Getting some love for fixing her hair |
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| Beautiful |
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| Her best man...Love. |
Special thanks to Uncle Micah and Aunt Erika for watching Jack and his cousin during the wedding, as well as, all the little VW children during the rehearsal dinner. You two were greatly appreciated (and super fun)!
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