So several months ago, I mentioned that I wanted to blog about this topic, and then I never did. Partly because of time but partly because I was chicken. It's never left my mind though, and since I am dealing with it everyday, I decided I would go for it. I will start with a disclaimer...
I know this is a touchy topic and there are lots of different points of views. My view on the subject is just my opinion and it's what works for me and my kids. That's all. :)
Okay- ABCs vs Play. What do I mean by this? I'm going to back track a little bit, and then I'll come back to the present.
Education. This is a powerful word in our society today, especially for my generation, not to mention our children's generation. When you meet someone new, what's a good conversation starter?
What do you do? Where did you go to school? What did you major in? We ask this because we are interested, but also because it's something most of us can identify with. Education in my family, as well as Mark's family, was something you just did. It was never really presented as an option. It was more of "So where do you want to get your education?" not "Do you want an education?" I think that's just a sign of the times. Our country says: To do anything, to be anyone, you need an education. Now, obviously college is not for everyone and college is not the end all be all. But I think we can all agree that education in the world today is a pretty big deal. This brings me to my next point... when does education begin?
When you have a child, it's specacular. You watch them grow, reach milestones, and become more knowledgeable of the world around them everyday. It truly is fascinating to think about how much babies and toddlers are learning everyday. As parents, we watch and are truly amazed at what our children are doing and saying, and we think to ourselves, "Man, this kid is smart!" Am I right? :) Sometimes it feels like I can literally feel my heart swelling up with pride over something my child has just done or said. Examples could be: learning to walk, starting to talk, counting, saying ABCs, identifying animals, going to school the first time, writing their name, learning to read, memorizing songs, verses, books... and the list will never end. As parents, I
think know we all feel a huge sense of responsibilty to our children and their "success" (whatever that means) in this world. And there is massive amounts of pressure to step up to the plate to have "that kid" or to be "that mom". I am already getting asked, "So have you decided where Bella will attend kindergarten?" and "When will Jack be starting preschool?" I watched this documentary about familes in NYC and their quest to get their toddlers into very prestigious nursery schools. It was seriously crazy. There was blood, sweat, and tears trying to get their child into the best nursery school because that would determine what pre-school, grade school, highschool, and eventually college they would get into. Whew. That stresses me out just typing that. Was their focus off? I think just a tad. :) Which brings me to MY focus.
As a former teacher, I saw lots of successful children passing through school and lots of struggling children trying to get through school. They were so many factors that contributed to this... great family involvment, no family involvement, great home life, tragic home life, good old fashion "smart" genes, frustrating learning disabilities. When I had Bella, you can imagine, I was a little freaked out by all the different scenarios she might be faced with in school. I started to feel lots of pressure to make sure she was "ready" for "life". I had seen so many children struggle academically, socially, emotionally, etc. that I wanted to do everything in my power to keep Bella from having to struggle. Again, as parents, we naturally have a protective instinct for our kids, and something erupts inside of us when they are feeling any sort of physical or emotional pain (a.k.a Mama Bear and Papa Bear come out). Back to academics... in our house out came the bathtub abcs, the color and matching games, dollar bin toddler workbooks, and flashcards. Again I'm thinking, "I have to teach her this stuff or she's going to have a hard time and struggleI want her to do well and feel good about herself." Hold up. She was 1. It's really embarrasing typing that because it sounds so shallow. She.was.1. Was I skipping over her first years of life for the sake of academics?
As Bella has grown older and when Jack was born, I began to have a shift of focus. I began to realize that their first years of life were passing way too quickly for me to lose focus of what was important. Them. Not their knowledge of colors, shapes, or letters. But them. Their character and personality. Were we playing enough? Getting dirty enough? Making enough messes? Because here is the truth: At the age of 5, our children will begin a 13 year (at least) process of going through school (more likely 17-20 years). Does that not freak any other mother out besides me? My baby is going to have to start school, and I can't have her everyday to just
play? It makes me pretty sad. Where has the time gone?
Is education still important to me? Absolutely. I think we can use opportunties that arise as we "play" to teach and educate our kids. I'm not saying, don't teach your kids. Of course, we want to teach them everything we can. It's fun, and they enjoy learning. Plus, it's fun to brag about them or have them say their abcs for grandparents, aunts, and uncles. :) We are proud of our children, and we want to show it. Nothing wrong with that. I'm just saying, give yourself a break. And give your kids a break. Try worrying less about how they compare to others. Who cares if they can't do what some other kids the same age are doing. Every child is unique and
made in the image of God. Let's take their first years of life to focus on teaching them self-worth, God's love for them, humbleness, love, compassion, responsibilty, self-sacrifice, respect and grace. Those are the things I want my children to carry with them into the world. If they are strong in those things, I know their education will fall into place. Some of my most loveable students were not the smartest ones. They were the most compassionate, generous, and hard- working ones.
I feel so much more balanced when it comes to this topic, and I owe that all to the Lord. It has given me a tremendous amount of peace about bringing up my children, treating them as the individuals they are, and helping them learn and grow in a way that's best for them. Several examples are...
- Bella loves to learn. Usually on a daily basis, she goes over to her art table to practice "school". Sometimes she wants my help, sometimes she doesn't. And when she's tired of writing her letters, we stop. That's what works well with her. And then we move on to Barbies and crafts!
- I will be playing cars with Jack, and sometimes I'll ask him the color of the cars (see, teach during play). Jack is funny because there are times he will give his guess at the color and then there are times when he will say, "I not say that color!" He's not in the mood, so instead, we race them across the floor. I'm not going to get myself all worked up because he doesn't want to say his colors right then.
- Bella started AWANAS, and we practice her Bible verses every week. One week, she recited her new verse but for some reason, not her review verses. I was trying to ask her why (and getting a little bent out of shape about it) when she said, "But mom, we played this really fun game called Duck, Duck, Goose." Thank you Lord for using my daughter's innocence to remind me to re-focus.
My last few thoughts for our children are:
1) PLAY with them lots and lots and lots
2) READ to them lots and lots and lots
3) PRAY for them lots and lots and lots
and
4) LOVE them lots and lots and lots
The rest will work itself out. Our children will go out into the world and know how to love and treat others, deal with disappointment, struggle and work hard, make friends, play, learn lots, be responsible, and make us so very proud.
And then we can not only brag about their 100 on their spelling test, but also how they stood up for a friend that was being bullied, sat with a new student at lunch, showed respect to their teacher, turned in lost money, or prayed for their sick brother.
"Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these."... And he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them.
Mark 10:14,16
