School: Part 1

Bella and I wrapped up our first year of school this past May, and it was... crazy. Crazy tough. Crazy good. Nothing like I thought it would be. And more than I imagined.

It's difficult for me to re-cap the year... but I'll try. :)

Teaching your own child is nothing like teaching a classroom of students. Your expectations for your own child sky-rocket. Like ridiculously. The pressure you put on yourself becomes so heavy.

I am responsible for teaching her? What am I thinking? What if I don't know what I'm doing? What if she falls through the cracks because I didn't do my job correctly?

I was pretty stressed at first. Trying to fit all our lessons in to the time frame the curriculum recommended. Not skipping anything. I'm sort of a rule follower. :)

And then my awesome friends and family would remind me to step back and re-evaluate the scene. Before me was a five year old. And I'm teaching her kindergarten. Thank you loved ones for helping me get a grip. :)

I do want to give props to all kindergarten and first grade teachers and reading specialists out there. Teaching a child to read is no easy feat. English phonics rules are awful. So many "rule-breakers". Things we don't even think about... a little kid has to learn and catch on to all of them.

I know I just told you that ea says a long e but this time it's a short e.  Grrrr.

We both persevered, and she learned to read. I guess I didn't mess her up too bad. :)

Aside from learning that I didn't need to keep a five year old at the table for two hours (oops), I learned so much more than the academics side.

I HIGHLY recommend the book Secrets of a Successful Homeschool Mom. I know the title is kind of cheesy, but I absolutely love this book. It helped pull into perspective the why of what I'm doing.

This is the why:

"The most important thing you'll ever do for the success of your homeschool is this: Nurture relationships. Education thrives when relationships are nurtured."

Didn't I say I didn't want Bella gone 8 hours a day, 5 days a week? Why? So, I could be with her. And why is that important to me? For our relationship. Bingo.

So, it doesn't matter how much I teach or what I teach... if I'm not building my relationship with my children in the process, then I am failing at what I set out to do.

This was so so important for me to grasp. I had to really let it sink in. And go deep. Because I don't ever want to forget it. Especially on our hardest days. There are moments when I have to decide on a route... drudge through this lesson no matter what - or - look at my girl, pull her onto my lap, and tell her a good story. I learned when I chose the "no matter what" route, it just wasn't effective. Academically or relationally.

There are times, of course, when things need to be completed in a timely manner without complaining, but I'm talking about those moments when you have a check inside you that says you're about to take it too far, and you have to make a decision.

Those are the moments when growth can take place. When I can choose my kids over my lesson plans or to-do list. I believe that check inside me is the Holy Spirit. And I am still learning how to listen and obey.

Bella and I grew so much this year, and in the end, grew very close. But there were some very difficult days. With tears from both of us. I would do some things differently of course. And not change other things. More than anything though, I am thankful for God's faithfulness in bringing us through the year, and in the process, teaching us exactly what we needed to learn. A beautiful design made special for us.

I look on this coming year with great hope. And a different perspective. That will be Part 2. :)


Lastly, I wanted to share some thoughts on this quote from the book mentioned above.

"Each family has a different heartbeat, a different focus, a different calling."

For the most part, I really feel like people in general are very supportive of one another's decisions in schooling for their children. I love the quote above because it states very simply... the truth. We are all different... thank goodness! :)

I never want to write in a condescending tone when I write about our choice to homeschool. That's all it is... a choice. It's not the way to do it. It's a way to do it. And on that note... a few words on the will of God.

"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake."                      Psalm 23:1-3

The will of God for my life is to follow Him and live righteously. It's not about what I am doing but who I am becoming in Him.

So, when we decided to homeschool, it wasn't about what we were doing but who we were becoming in the process.

If tomorrow, we decided to put her into school somewhere, it wouldn't be about what we were doing, but who we were becoming in the process.

What matters is living out our decisions righteously. In a manner worthy of our Savior's love.

Let's pray for one another as we all strive to do just that.

My busy little bees. :)

Bella turns 6!

I have been very absent from my blog... I haven't been super inspired to write about anything in particular lately. Except today, of course. Bella turns six. Sniff. Sniff. I blame my emotional state on my children's birthdays entirely on my SIL... she has rubbed off on me. Now, I'm just a cry baby about it. :)

Bella has changed so much in the last year, yet stayed the same too. She's a little more grown up... a little more mature. She understands more, wants to know more... has more insight. She's taller, her hair is longer... and she looks older.

She's still strong... a leader. She's still stubborn. Still wants it her way. Bella has wanted it her way literally since the day she was born. She came out of the womb refusing to nurse. Absolutely wouldn't do it. Mark drove me from Burleson to Arlington everyday for a week to meet with lactation consultants. We met with ALL of them. For hours. They were stumped. She was determined. But I was prideful and refused to let a week old human being beat me. And she finally gave in, but not before a lactation consultant said, "It's okay if you want to quit trying. There's nothing to be ashamed of. We've all tried our best." If you know anything about lactation consultants, you know that is something that most of them would never utter... unless you're driven to the end of your rope by A WEEK OLD INFANT. Ha! She as been challenging Mark and I ever since. She is a tough tough cookie. Many of our days are difficult. More challenging that I ever would have imagined. I've cried out to God many times as I laid on my bed alone. Pleading for help. More patience. More wisdom. More clarity on how to raise this child. And He has been faithful.

Hard to imagine her being such a fighter. Sweet little thing.

Bella thinks deep. And thinks big. She wants to know the hows, the whys, the who's. Constantly. She's a planner (which she comes by honestly). Either before she goes to bed or right when she wakes up, she asks, "So, mom, what's the plan for today?" Every. single. day.

It's hard to keep up with her somedays. She doesn't like idle time. She likes her moments filled with something... conversation, reading a good book, crafting, playing. I'm trying to teach her that "Silence is Golden." Ha. :)

She's currently obsessed with two main things... crafts and stuffed animals. SO many stuffed animals. They have over-taken her bed. But they're practically all she plays with, so we are just going with it. And crafting... which includes creating things using stuff she drags out of the recycling bin. It drives me crazy. But I'm trying to just say yes. Yes... you may take the empty milk jug and granola box out of the garage and invent something. Yes... you may drag out paint, markers, tape, glue... to help you with your invention. How can I say no? It's how she loves to spend her time. So, I say yes... with a smile. :) Ok, sometimes I don't have a smile. And sometimes I say no. Like when she asks at 5pm. But, I'm really trying. :)

Here are a few words Mark and I came up with that we think best describe her...

~ Beautiful
~ Clever
~ Vivacious
~ Strong-willed
~ Innovative
~ Precocious
~ Motherly
~ Natural leader
~ Curious
~ Inquisitive
~ Thoughtful
~ Observant
~ Intuitive
~ Challenging

One of the things I pray for Bella most often is that she would learn humility at an early age (which is a hard thing to watch your child experience). But with humility, comes empathy. And with her gift of discernment and her strong spirit, I feel like she could be a serving hand of compassion for the Lord. Sacrifice and serving others around us is the example Jesus gave us. That's what I want to matter to her.

Bella and I finished our first year of homeschooling (which will be a separate post), and although we both learned so much, one things rises to the top for me. Our relationship. And through that, her character. It took me almost the entire year to realize that my focus, my energy, my planning... was misdirected. All the work and effort was for one main reason. My relationship with my then five year old daughter. And as our relationship grows, so do we.

As she turns six today, I am grateful, over-whelmed, privileged... to be her mom.

I'm proud of you Bella Kathryn. You challenge me and teach me. I grow as I raise you. And I love you so much.

Happy Happy Birthday!

Daddy made her cake.

Now she won't steal my bathrobe.

She got her camera that she really really wanted. 

First birthday slumber party!

* Bella wanted me to read her this post. So I did. She wanted to hear every detail of her "stubborn nursing" story. She laughed when I talked about her pulling all of our recycling stuff out of the bin. And she made me look up and read her the definition of vivacious. :)

Words

How many times a day do we think something but don't say it? More times than we can count. And many times, this is a good thing. Ha! Taking captive my thoughts is always an exercise I am practicing.

But, something that has been on my mind a lot lately, is why we often times don't say all the good, encouraging, and uplifting things we are thinking. From the small things to the big... "Cute shorts, he/she smells good, adorable hair, clean house, such polite children, great sermon, beautiful family, great advice..." We think things all day long about people we know, as well as, complete strangers... things that if we just said them, might make or completely change someone's day.

Seriously. The power of words is incredible. And we hold that power. To encourage, compliment, uplift. People. Our people. Strangers. Friends.

I think we forget what words can mean to others. So, that's why a lot of times, we move on without saying what we were thinking. But they can do so much. Even if you think it's too small to say, it's not. Words can lift someone's head that is having a rotten day, build up self-esteem, encourage a tired spirit, give hope to a gloomy day... the possibilities are endless.

Do we often feel at times that the person already feels great about themselves, already has a great life, already knows all these wonderful things about them? Why would they need me to shower them with compliments? It's so sad how untrue that is. Often times, the people you think don't need words of encouragement actually need it the most. Don't assume. Don't analyze. Don't let pride get in the way. (I'm speaking to myself here as well. :)

Remember the last compliment, words of encouragement, or sweet note you got... how did it make you feel? Pay it forward.

Don't waste the thought. Say it.

I know encouragement isn't a natural strength for everyone. But I encourage you to practice it. You will be the one blessed.

And through saying it, you are serving others. Loving others. And you will probably get something in return. A smile. A hug. A thank you.

And that is a blessing worth the words.

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

Ephesians 4:29

Milestone

So, one of the changes from not watching t.v. is that we are outside until dark almost every night. Which has involved lots of bike riding... Jack has his big wheel, Max has a couple of push cars, and Bella has her bike without training wheels.

So for the last two weeks, almost every night, Mark has been running along side Bella helping her practice how to ride her bike. Every time I watched them, I almost teared up. It's just a place as a parent that I thought, "Are we really here? Teaching bike riding?" It was kind of surreal.

She had a pretty bad fall one night that involved her helmet covered head bouncing off the asphalt. Makes my stomach hurt thinking about it. Her head was fine {make your kids wear a helmet!}, but she was scraped up her and there. And her spirit was a little scratched too.

It's part of it... falling when you're learning to ride a bike. We congratulated her for being in the "I've fallen off my bike" club, and we encouraged to get back on and try again.

And she did. And a few days later, she was doing this...

I could've cried. Okay, I did.

My baby was riding a bike. By herself. It was my first real moment when I thought, "Ok. That's big enough. You can stop growing up now."

Mark hopped on his bike and around and around they went in the cul-de-sac.

Such a little thing in her big life. But oh so special. :)

No T.V. What?!

We are starting our fifth week of no T.V./ screen time... basically any rectangular electronic screen that you can look at {television, iPad, computer, phones}.

I've been wanting to take a break from T.V. for some time now, but I was pretty apprehensive. What was I going to do with them when they started to drive me crazy? No T.V.? What?! How in the world would I get through the "witching hour" without mindless entertainment for my kids? How would I ever get dinner made if they couldn't watch a movie?

* witching hour: it's the hour(s) after naps but before dinner that for whatever reason the kids are restless, whiny, and bored. Moms, you know what I'm talking about.

It's silly really. But true. I didn't know how it was going to go, but Mark and I both knew our family needed a change. A change from the regular routine of our days. A change from how we were spending our time. So we went for it. And it has rocked our world.

Seriously. This is not an anti-t.v. post. It's really not. I just had to share the changes we have seen in our entire family because every week that goes by, Mark and I are amazed. Every week.

We were a pretty moderate T.V. watching family I think. We monitored it, weren't super strict about it, liked family movie time, etc. The kids always had to ask to watch something... sometimes we said yes, sometimes no. Like I said, moderate.

But I was tired of the T.V. fight. They whined about wanting to watch something, they whined if I said no, and they whined if I said yes because now they couldn't agree on what to watch. When they were watching something, they would end up sitting too close to each other and start whining about someone being too close. Ahhh!

So, we decided to take a week off from any screen time. And we haven't stopped. One week has turned into five weeks. That is how big a difference we have seen.

So, what has happened?

The kids are more content, less bored, more creative, and less agitated. It's crazy really.

They just play and play and play ALL day. The weather has been beautiful for a month now, and they are spending hours outside everyday. They go out without suggestion. They play together willingly. Just drift off to one of their rooms and play. Nicely! Even as I type this, I am still in disbelief at the change we have seen in them.

They are by no means perfect. :) Ha! They still argue, whine, tattle... but it is significantly less. Like a lot less.

Mark and I have had many brainstorming sessions as to why this is happening. We've had several ideas.

The first is that we have eliminated just one more choice in their day. By eliminated an "activity", they are more content. It's the idea of less is more. When you give them fewer choices, they are actually happier. Just like with their toys. When they have so many, they can't ever decide what to play with, so they just complain about having nothing to do. There's too many choices.

It reminds me of myself when Mark asks me where I want to eat. I am too overwhelmed by the choices. But give me two places to choose from, and that is less intimidating.

By taking the option of screen time away from their list of daily activities, we are actually simplifying things in their little world. They are not thinking about what they can't do, but more of what there is to do. They look around and make a choice. It's their choice.

Another idea is that they are more in practice of how to self-entertain. When you're out of practice, you have a difficult time doing it. But it's becoming more normal to them, so they are less bored.

It's also creating a lot more family time. What kid doesn't love that?

Here are a few things they've been up to since no screen time...

Painting, warrior face painting, and playing with sticks (and bricks that have been removed since) :)

Reading by himself with a stack of books. Jack has always liked books but has never really loved books. This is changing.

Created her own Terabithia. We just finished the book Bridge to Terabithia, so with trash bags , a stick, and a scarf, she transformed into a queen with her prince on a leash. :)

And here are her two trusty guards to her kingdom.

Playing Candyland... another activity that wasn't Jack's favorite.

These are a few examples of what we are seeing on a daily basis. Our days have become easier. Not perfect but a little lot more content. They will still ask about watching a movie every now and then. Or I'll catch one of them with my phone. But for the most part, we haven't had a lot of objections to this new rule. They are adapting to it. Kids do that pretty well you know. :)

So, why did I write this? To picket against t.v.? To show how perfect still flawed our days are? No.

I wrote it to encourage any of you who may have been thinking about cutting back or eliminating an activity in your life that you feel like you need a break from. Because like I said before, when you eliminate choices in life, life seems to get easier. Simpler. And I do think screen time is an activity that most of us (myself included) could use a little less of. Especially for kids. They have way too much energy and creativity to not use.

So, I encourage you! Don't be irritated with me. Please. :) And I promise you can tell me you're kids watch t.v., and I won't shoot judging darts at you. Um... that would be so hypocritical and ugly of me. :) Seriously.

We NEVER thought that our decision would be indefinite. But we also can't imagine losing this new dynamic of our home. It's been so eye opening. I'd be lying if I said there weren't days that I really want to put on a movie. I'm human. :) We'll still throw in a movie every now and then because well... there are some really cool movies out there, and the kids like watching them. :) But we are trying to make it a really special treat when it does happen.

And we're learning to get used to a new normal.

"Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life."

1 Thes. 4:11

Running the Race

Have I ever mentioned how sweet Jack is? :) At least a dozen times I think. And have I ever mentioned how much he adores Mark? His unquestionable hero.

Mark ran a marathon last month, and everyday since then, during Jack's prayers he says,

"Thank you Jesus for letting my daddy win his race."

Everyday he prays this.

Remember when I mentioned that Jack didn't like wearing clothes at home anymore? Since Mark's marathon, he wakes up every morning and wants his 'running clothes' on. It consists of athletic shorts and a t-shirt. It doesn't matter if it's too chilly for it. That's what he wants. And then he runs all throughout the house 'doing his running'.

What is he really striving for here? To be just like Daddy.

In his eyes, when he saw Mark cross the finish line, his daddy had won.

Isn't this exactly what we, as parents, are working towards? To love and teach our children in a way that when we look at them, we know that we are running the race well. And some days we might just be winning.


"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize."                            
                                    1 Corinthians 9:24

Do we look proud?

Because we were! I love Jack's victory pose here.


This is Jack's favorite song right now. You'll hear him singing it while he's running. 
Bless the Lord O my soulO my soulWorship His holy nameSing like never beforeO my soulI'll worship Your holy nameThe sun comes upIt's a new day dawningIt's time to sing Your song againWhatever may pass and whatever lies before meLet me be singing when the evening comes.

Oh Right, There's Sin

This is the title of Chapter 4, Desperate.

My personality is such that I sometimes have unrealistic expectations. For myself, my children, my husband... my home.

"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus."   Romans 3:23-24

I have the tendency to put an unattainable goal on our home... perfection. I don't actual think our day will be perfect... but I gear up for an easy, quiet, almost perfect day! {Not that this is impossible!} I wake early, read scriptures about patience, love, gentleness... I pray for God's strength and wisdom to be the mom my kids' need that day. And then somewhere in my mind, I start envisioning a lovely day without squabbles, crying, selfishness, frustration... you get the picture. And then when those things do show up in our day {because they always do}, I feel defeated, upset, sometimes angry... I feel like I failed.

I do absolutely believe in having high expectations and standards. In fact, we are commanded to.

"Live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle, be patient, bearing with one another in love."  Ephesians 4:1-2

This has been our family's number one verse lately. We like this one too.

"But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: "Be holy, because I am holy."    1 Peter 1:15

I am called to holy living... my whole life falls under this umbrella, including how I run my home and raise my children.

So, as I prepare for each day, I feel this enormous pressure to get to the end of the day without failing.

But what is failing? What I am learning is that failing, for me, is when we are right smack in the middle of a 'situation' {i.e. melt down, sassy talk, lying, ugly attitude}, and I choose to not practice the patience, self-control, and gentleness I've prayed for. When I forget to pray right in that moment.

Because here's the truth. We live in a fallen world. There will be sin in our home from all of us. Sadly, that is reality. But, how are we living out these situations when they happen? Am I keeping my voice quiet and praying for immediate wisdom and patience? Am I helping guide my children through their argument, showing them how to talk, forgive, and love? Am I controlled and seeking wisdom in my discipline? Am I practicing humility outside of the home as well?

Once I accepted that our days WILL contain not so lovely moments {some days more than others}, I have gained a lot of peace. Yes, I want to teach my children right vs wrong, and I want to read them scriptures on how God commands us to live. But when they {and I} choose to not obey, all is not lost. We can repent... we can forgive each other. We can offer grace. If we do that throughout the day, while still trying to live a holy life, I can look back on the day as progress, lots taught and learned, and not just  a lot of mess-ups.

Sally Clarkson states it so beautifully in her book Desperate.

"The home is a battlefield where sin and selfishness must be overcome, and that the taming, subduing, and civilizing of a home will be to a woman's honor. If you see the battle and feel like you are being overcome, know that it is a perfectly natural feeling. But it is a choice you must make to not dwell in guilt, and instead embrace God's helping hand."

Must not dwell in guilt. Accept forgiveness and grace.

"Examine your heart attitude. We live in a fallen world, and there will be challenges and problems. Just as we were lost without Him, and in His mercy He saved us and granted us redemption, when we are lost as mothers, he wants to empower our lives and fill our homes with His presence. He desires to give us the strength to bring life into our homes and redeem them. God is a God of grace."

It's definitely a balance for me... my part and God's part. My part is big. But He is bigger.

"Prepare yourself for the battle and accept the limitations of your husband, children, home- and of yourself. And then, determine that you will, in time, subdue your home, overcome in the fight for the hearts of your children, and find God's joy and blessing through your obedience."

So, take a deep breath. Keep plodding on. Remember to laugh today. Don't beat yourself up. Our children are full of love for us, and they are quick to forgive. Their love is like that of Jesus. That deserves a dance party today! :)