Days

I've had a few bad challenging days. When you come out on the other side of them, it feels so... what's the word... nice, humbling, refreshing. What's my definition of challenging though? Because everyone's perspective of a difficult day is different. For me it is sick kids, exhaustion, frustration, irritability, self-pity. When one day is rough, and then the next day is the same, and the next, and it doesn't seem to get better. What remains steadfast during these days though?
Our Lord's kindness. His faithfulness. His presence. His love. His Word.
The strength of our faith is tested during "bad" days... our true character is exposed in the hard moments of the day. How did I do this week? I failed sometimes. I pushed through and sought strength above my own at other times. And I read this verse a lot.

"And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast."      1 Peter 5:10

I love this. Will Himself restore you. So encouraging. and true. and powerful.

Deep down I know that my days were so incredibly blessed when I compare them to what so many are suffering through in this world. Perspective. It is encouraging and humbling to remember that He cares.

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."     Lamentations 3:22

As I look back at the week, it is easier to see those compassions and mercies.

My sweet Jack was having trouble breathing last week. It was starting to get really scary. I knew something wasn't right. I met Mark at Cooks with him. Diagnosis: pneumonia.

The mercies we saw were... amazing nurses and doctors, immediate medicine, supportive family, lots of prayers, and a reminder that our boy was going to be just find. We were in a hospital with the sickest of the sick kids. And our boy was not one of them.

A few days later was Halloween. Such a fun day! Costumes, good food, family, and friends.

Science teacher, Aunt Megan, brought dry ice. They loved it.

This little guy has had the worst case of teething any of my children have ever experienced. So sad. This has been his "condition" going on 4 days now.

It's pitiful. We've gone through Tylenol, Motrin, numbing gel, teething tablets... just trying anything to relieve his pain.
So what's the worst part? The fact that is a very healthy baby? Or the fact that he loves me unconditionally and just needs to be held 24/7? Why is it so difficult to have that perspective when you're swimming in exhaustion? Things really aren't as terrible as my mind makes them out to be sometimes.

Mark was gone hunting this weekend, and the Lord really worked on my heart and attitude as I cared for the kids and tried to support him as well. He loves hunting, and the kids and I were really pulling for him to get a deer. For several reasons. One being, it would make him happy. Second, the kids love to be a part of it when he gets home. And third... well, let's just be honest here... if he gets one his first trip out, he doesn't have to keep going. :) A tad selfish, yes. But honest.

Well, he got one!

And we were SO happy. We had been praying for Daddy all weekend. And now our freezer will be full all winter.



It's in the tough days that we grow the most. And while it's not fun, it's worth it. Because we come out more dependent on Christ and less on ourselves.


"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  2 Cor 12:9

Out of the Mouth of Babes

Kids are hilarious. And way more absorbent than we often realize. Ever since Bella was little, I have kept a journal of funny things (or what I think are funny) my kids have said. I want to remember them. Over the last several months, as I have been doing school with Bella, she has said some of the strangest and funniest things. Seriously. Where does some of this stuff come from? I thought I'd share a few Bellaisms... I do realize that most of the time, a child's parent is going to think what they say is way funnier than anyone else. So funny or not, here is a look into Bella's brain...

This one makes no sense. I think sometimes she just likes to hear herself talk. She said this as she was working on school.

~ "This is my slim chance Mom! I don't want my royal concept to be bad."  What???

Offering Bella pumpkin bread, she says...

~ "I'd rather swim a river of crocodiles than eat that."

After muffling a laugh, I sternly replied that a "no thank you" would suffice.

While Bella was working on school, I realized that she was putting arrows over some of the words she didn't want to use. I asked her why she was doing this. She replied...

~ "I'm killing the words with my arrows." That is her father's handy work right there.

Trying to express how tired she was, she said...

~ "I'm just soooo disgraced." Again, she likes to hear herself speak dramatically.

~ "Mom, do you want to hear some 'r' words? ... random, rare, rodent, rambuctious"

Getting ready to go to La Grange with Mark, she says to me (as if I don't know)...

~ "Too bad Max can't come to La Grange with us. He can't have cow's milk yet though, so he has to stay here and get milk from you know where... "   (I'm still nursing) Thanks Bella.

As Bella and I were painting one day, she leans over to me and whispers...

~ "You are one long glorified woman dear" to which I laughed, to which she said "Are you surprised I can say that big of a word?" Oh. dear. Next character lesson? Humility.

Our neighbor came to the door wanting me to buy something for a school fundraiser. Bella answered the door and told her...

~ "My mom is nursing one boy and reading to the other. She can't come to the door right now." Alrighty then.

During math, we were coming up with numbers and giving those numbers objects. Writing the number 300, she says...

~ "300.... hmm... horse droppings!" Super.

This is my girl. And I love her. And I pray for her. :)

Jack doesn't have as much to say, because, I mean, who really can say much around here with Bella?

Anyways. He is pretty funny too. Very matter of fact.

Sneezing and having a great deal of snot (Gross. I know.), he says...

~ "Ugg. I did not know that was coming!"

Playing in a tent, he says...

~ "Come on in Mom. It's snug in here!" I think he meant cozy. :)

When I do school with Jack, I sometimes make him sit in my lap to help him concentrate. I usually have about 10 minutes max with him before he is off and running. One day I was letting him know we just had one more thing to do, to which he replied...

~ "And then I'll be free?!"  Poor guy. :)

This one is for Daddy. Pointing to the sky, he says...

~ "Mom! It's a hawk! Or maybe that's a pheasant. or a dove. or a grackle."

He is very into the word miserable right now. Whether he's miserable or not. It's awesome.

He also has a bit of a country accent, and he is constantly telling a story about "me and my dad". It's so cute. So his daddy's boy.

And not to leave out the littlest VW, he is babbling a lot, and is getting pretty good with mama, dada, bubu (which he uses for alot of things). He also loves to "sing" along with us. I've been taking him into the singing portion of church, and he just loves it. He just bounces and sings his little heart out. His newest thing though, is pointing to airplanes. He loves them. He will be the first one to spot an airplane (we live near a small airfield) and just points and points at it. So so cute.

Well, it is not dull around here. Today I am thankful for things to laugh at. And things to remember.

Happy Monday :)

Mission

This is my second year to stay home with my kids, and I have learned so much. But what I have learned the most has happened within the last month. Sitting in my bsf discussion group this morning, I was listening to other mothers voice their struggles with being a mom, and their struggles were exactly like my struggles. And I knew that I had to share my story of learning what my mission is and what it means... being a mother.

What does society say about being a mother? It's unfortunate that society carries so much weight in decisions we make day in and day out. Part of what present-day society tells us about being a mother is that it's not enough. We are told and shown that we can be and do more. That being a mother doesn't have to be it. That we have more to offer, more to give. But do we feel this way reluctantly? Some do, some don't. My discussion is not over a right or wrong view of what being a good mother looks like.

"Mercy triumphs over judgement!" James 2:13

My fear, though, is that mothers are trying to "be" more in order to live up to expectations that are not their own. This was happening to me. We are all so different, with different lives, different needs, different desires, and different expectations.
But, my question is, are we making decisions based on God's will or our own will?

I have never seen more clearly what my mission of being a mother really means. For me. I share my journey in hopes that if it relates to your journey, you may be encouraged.

I began reading the book The Mission of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson. Life-changing. I can't read the pages fast enough. It's as if the author literally read my thoughts, emotions, fears, and struggles. This tells me that mothers everywhere are experiencing the same things. This is comforting! Does this sound familiar?...

"My precious little ones have endless needs. They are busy little sinful creatures who demand all of my body, time, life, emotions, and attention! As much as I love my children, I often feel like a failure."
                                                                       (The Mission of Motherhood)

One thing I do know about myself and most women, is that we are excellent multi-taskers. I can be holding a baby, cooking dinner, talking on the phone, and still have a running to-do list in my head. It comes so natural for me. My day... kids, housework, meals, school, obligations... begins to look like one loooong to-do list. That overwhelms me. I began to wonder why my days were exhausting, difficult, what seemed to be unproductive at times, and such a struggle.

To the woman he said, 
"I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children." 
Genesis 3:16

When sin entered the world, part of women's consequences were pain in childbearing. And from what I have experienced, there is also pain in child rearing. It's not easy. And it's not supposed to be easy.

What I've learned, is that God's will for me to be home and raise my children is a divine calling.

"Each of us is created with a capacity and purpose to be productive and creative in life- according to our drives, gifts, and strengths- And each one of us will be required to give an accounting of how we handled this responsibility - how we invested our lives in God's purposes- the circumstances of our particular life- for His glory."                            (The Mission of Motherhood)

This verse has become my "cornerstone" to my mission as a mother...

"Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain."                                       1 Corinthians 15:58

We are called to righteous living...

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."
                                                                                 Matthew 6:33


So, how do I live out my calling righteously? I give myself FULLY to the work of the Lord. Everyday. Every moment. What does the work of the Lord look like for me? Raising my children. Meeting their needs. Loving them. Caring for them.

I have begun to put all these pieces into practice, and it is changing me, as well as, my children. What does it look like to give ourselves FULLY to our calling... our children? I had to stop looking at them as part of my "to-do" list. That sounds harsh but please tell me you know what I mean. :) Feed the kids breakfast, unload the dishwasher, do school, feed the kids lunch, go to the park, mop the kitchen.... the never ending list. My kids are not something for me to do. They are part of me, given to me, entrusted to my care by God.
So, what does this look like on a daily basis? I have had to let go of all the things I want to accomplish each day and just BE with my children. Listen to them, their stories, their excitement, their worries... I literally make myself turn my whole body away from whatever my focus is on, and look at them in the eyes and listen to them. Not talk. But just listen. They have my attention. I am focused on them, and they know it. Mom is listening. I make myself play more. Mark is the one who has always played with the kids. I am usually busy doing one of the endless chores around the house. But I have forced myself to leave everything as it is, and just play. Sit in the middle of their rooms and play. Without my phone or a list. I force myself to shut off the running list in my head and of what I need to get done. Is this hard for you? Because it is for me. You know what's happening though? I am more content. And so are they. By investing so much time into just being with them and their interests, they become more willing and patient to let me get things done that I need to.

"Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth."       1 John 3:18

I must practice loving my children with my actions. This includes nose-wiping, diaper changing, meal preparation, wiping little hands and faces, cleaning up mess after mess, folding little shirts and shorts, tying shoes, holding, hugging, kissing... and everything in between. When I serve my children, I am serving and honoring the Lord. Think about that. When I lay their plates down in front of them, it's as if I am doing it to the Lord. When I wash their little hands, it's as if I am washing Christ's hands. My service to my children is the work of the Lord, and I must give myself FULLY to that work. As I have let go of all the unimportant stuff, and really started practicing my mission in a new light, I have been amazed and humbled by the transformation in myself and my children. I am content and joyful. Just being with them with no strings attached as brought me so much peace. Peace that I am right where I need to be doing what I'm supposed to be doing. And they are changing.

"My children can rest in the peace and security of my commitment to them."
                                                             (The Mission of Motherhood)

Bella has never been a super affectionate person. She, of her own initiative, has begun to give me hugs and kisses all throughout the day. I think she has started to do this for two reasons. One being, it's her way of showing love and appreciation for the time I am investing in her and two, she feels safe in offering that affection, knowing that my priorities are on her at any given moment. Pretty incredible.

Now this doesn't mean that I drop anything I'm doing at any given moment for any request of my children. :) But she has become aware that my day is not governed by my things... my main goal is to be with them, teach them, discipline them, serve them... all the while, serving the Lord.

Does this sound too 1950's of me? Maybe it does. But I think it's the right attitude and the right place for my heart to be. I serve my children through conscious gratitude of the Savior. Serving them is how I approach and worship God. It's not always easy. But it has lasting eternal effects on my children. And that is irreplaceable. I give God my best by giving my family my best.

"It's the way that I respond to my children in everyday moments that gives me the best chance of winning their hearts. If I have integrity and patience in the small moments of life that are so important to my children, and if I approach them with a servant's heart, then I have a far better chance of influencing them in the larger and more critical issues of life. Commit to saying yes to their requests to play, knowing that if you invest in what is important to them, they will be open to believing what is important to you."                                                                   (The Mission of Motherhood)

Bella and I have been studying the Old Testament, and God's promise of a sacrifice that would save us from our sins... Jesus. As we talked about Christ's sacrifice of his body, she asked me, "Mom, did Jesus know how much it would hurt?" Wow. "Yes, he did," I said tearfully. He was and will always be the most selfless person to ever walk the earth. He is our standard. To live selflessly for others. To give of ourselves completely. To serve. To love. To forgive.
Our children are watching us. How we act, react, serve, love... our actions are under close scrutiny. As you forgive them, don't forget to allow God to forgive you for your shortcomings. Because we know we will never get it all right, we will never live perfectly, we will sometimes fail. God saved us because we could not save ourselves.

"As we wait patiently for the fruit of our faith and service in the lives of our children to be revealed, we will see God's faithfulness. In the meantime, we can know that our choice to love our children and serve them with a whole heart, is the right one."               (This Mission of Motherhood)

State Fair of Texas

When Mark and I were dating or possibly already married, (we dated for so long it sometimes runs together :) ) I admitted to not remembering ever going to the fair. I think like most any tradition in a family, if you grow up doing it, you love it and have fond memories of it. This was the case for him and the fair. A love relationship if you will. :) So, he promptly took me one year, and I loved it. He was my tour guide... he showed me the livestock, the cars, the rides, the food, and the bird show (Have I ever mentioned he's a bird nerd? I haven't? That's weird.). Anyways... we have kept this tradition alive as we have had children (except the year Bella was born and we were paranoid new parents and wouldn't take her).

Bella's 1st trip to the State Fair

Then, Jack was born, and he got to go when he was oh... 2 weeks old. :)

This was last year...

Max in the womb :)

This year was fun, entertaining, and lots of hard work for Mom and Dad. Have you ever anticipated something, and then when the day actually arrives, some things don't quite live up to your expectations? We had been doing a countdown all week for "Fair Day", and Friday morning the kids woke up a bit on the whiny side. Awesome. Yay for fun family day! We finally made it into the car... it's always nice when you're finally on your way. I sometimes think, "If we can only make it into the car..." We did arrive just as smoke filled the sky from Big Tex's death. That's a bit of a downer to a kid who has been looking for Big Tex the last 15 minutes of a car trip. A little comical too.

On to the pics...

Is it me or do they really look alike here?

They really did have a blast. At one point, I realized I had left Max's blankie in the car, which is magic when it comes to him falling asleep. I told Mark it was the difference between him falling asleep in the stroller or becoming miserable. Sooo... Mark went back out to the car to get it, aaaannndd... he never fell asleep. Oops. He was delirious by the time we left, as was Jack, so we were quite the scene making our way back out to our car. Max was asleep in his carrier before the car started moving. Poor baby.

Sometimes it's hard work for a tradition to live on... one we are willing to work for! Happy Fall and all of your family traditions.

Contentment

Contentment: a state of happiness and satisfaction

What makes you happy and satisfied? When do you feel the most happiness and satisfaction in your life?
There is a strong link between thankfulness and contentment. And being thankful is a choice. It is a choice that we decide to make every day, every hour, every moment.
I struggle with contentment. I think a lot of us do. I believe that it is in our sin nature to be envious, selfish, and discontent. But I/we have to fight it.

"If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it."  Genesis 4:7

This is one of the verses I studied this week in BSF. What happens when we ignore sin? It doesn't just go away... it grows.

"See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many." Hebrews 12:15

Sins that we struggle with, if ignored, can grow and become debilitating habits. And to break a habit, you have to create new habits. It's a choice.

So contentment... it's so hard in our society to not compare and notice everyone else and their blessings.  I think if we could put as much effort into counting our own blessings as we do in counting each other's blessings, we would be over-flowing with JOY and thanksgiving. Why is it sometimes I focus on all the things I don't have instead of the opposite? Where is my focus? I believe God convicts us of our personal sin and brings us to repentance with MERCY.

I am trying to choose to be thankful. Every day. But it is taking practice. I wake up and begin thanking the Lord for things I'm grateful for. When the kids sleep long enough for me to finish getting ready, I thank the Lord. When we make it out the door on time with ease, I thank the Lord. When Bella and I have a great school day, I thank the Lord. When the kids sleep long enough for me to drink a cup of hot tea, I thank the Lord. When I'm preparing dinner and see our full pantry, I thank the Lord. When the weather is beautiful, and the kids are laughing and playing outside, I thank the Lord. When Mark arrives home safely from work, I thank the Lord.
And you know how I feel at the end of the day? Exactly like this...

"You prepare a table for me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever."  Psalm 23:5-6

I am so grateful, content, and at peace with my circumstances. I am FULL of praise. God's goodness and love overwhelms me.

But what happens when I spend the day wallowing in self-pity, getting easily aggravated, looking at everyone else's life on FB, Instagram, and blogs? I start to compare. I start to feel sorry for myself. I start to notice all the things I don't have instead of what I do have right in front of me. When we find ourselves being envious of God's blessings on others, we need to check ourselves.

There's a saying... Comparison is the death to contentment.

Personally, I have to be really careful with social media. I love keeping up with friends and family, seeing sweet pictures, and hearing funny stories. But it can be a dangerous trap. I have found that when I do look at it, it needs to be at the end of the day. I have to try and spend the day loving and living in my circumstances and serving the Lord with ALL of myself. And when I do put forth that effort, this verse starts to become real...

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want."             Philippians 4:12

Will you join me in a mission of gratitude? Will you choose to look around and give God glory and praise without ceasing? Give the best of yourself to God everyday. I believe you will begin to see more clearly and love more deeply. You will feel immense gratitude for the thousands of ways you see God's blessings throughout the day.

I have "good" and "bad" days... whatever that means. I forget to be thankful. I get upset. I feel sorry for myself. I am quick to anger at times. I can be impatient. I lose sight. Unfortunately, Adam and Eve brought sin into the world, and we are not perfect. But we must not give up on fighting it.

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."  Matthew 6:19-21

Be encouraged! I pray that if you're reading this, and you can identify, you are comforted knowing you are not alone. Choose to be thankful.

You want to know what I am thankful for at this moment? That my kids rested long enough for me to write this post! :) It really is the little things that add up...

*I added this after I had already posted. I hope this post doesn't sound preachy or self-righteous. That is not my intention at all. It is really just my inner monologue... a struggle I have that I'm working on. My intentions are to be an encouragement and motivator for anyone that may need it. I don't want to be counter-productive here. Okay, that's all... for now. :)

Moments

This little guy has not felt well today. Fever, fussy, clingy... it came just at the right time though. In the last couple of weeks, God has been teaching me so much about my mission as a mom. The subject deserves a separate post of it's own. One particular thing I'm learning is to embrace the littlest of moments. Accept them, cherish them, learn from them, be in them. I get lost in my "to-do" list too often, and I miss opportunities right in front of me. Like when my sweet baby isn't sleeping and needs his mama. The whole house is sleeping except us. Instead of getting bent out of shape that I'm not checking things off my list, I find joy in our time together. I'm not upset, but thankful. Thankful for this  sweet moment.

"And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."

Colossians 3:17

This and That

Our weeks are flying by around here. I seriously can't believe how quickly Friday comes every week. I really have to be intentional about mentally slowing down during the day, and trying to live in the moment. Because there are so many moments during the day that need to be enjoyed and remembered. Those moments are what make the day so sweet. 

Like these...

I finally re-covered our dining room chairs and painted the cane back. It's something I've wanted to do for a long time. The kids seriously destroyed the old fabric with food, spills, paint, markers... destroyed. I love my new fabric, and I may or may not be crazy strict about the kids eating on them. :)

We moved Max's crib into Bella's room, and Bella has been sleeping on the top bunk in Jack's room. We've been trying to have Jack and Max share a room for oh... 9 months now. It just wasn't working. Max kept waking Jack up. Max was capable of putting himself back to sleep in the middle of the night, but during that process, he was waking Jack up, and then Jack would get up and come to our room, and then Max would see him leave, and then Max would get hysterical, and then the whole house would be partying at 2am every morning. :) Awful. Not cool. What did we learn? Give the baby their own room. Whatever you have to do to make that happen, just do it. It's worth it. Max was sleeping 12 hours through the night after one night of sleeping in a room by himself. There are just no words for how happy this makes me.

I am taking a break from Facebook and Instagram. I think sometimes we all can get to a point where we just need a technology break... whatever that may look like. With our days being so busy, and our weeks flying by, I want to quiet my spirit. I want to listen to... silence. I want to watch... nothing. I want to be still and respond to the Holy Spirit. And that's super hard sometimes, am I right? We have too much to do. I could fill every minute of the day with something on my to-do list. So that means, something has to give.

Be still and know that I am God. 

Psalm 46:10

Homeschooling is going great. It's amazing how much Bella and I have both learned in the past month. We would not be where we are without the support and advice of two sweet friends, Kate and Holly. They are two friends who also homeschool, and they have helped me stay balanced. I've learned that I have the tendency to push too hard... to the point of frustration and past the point of productiveness. I have really high expectations, but I didn't know when to say 'enough for today'. Once I CHILLED OUT :), and relaxed, our school days have been so much better. Bella is enjoying it, and big announcement... She has started to read! Holly and my mom told me that teaching your child to read is the coolest experience. They were right. It was truly incredible watching her piece everything together in her mind each day, and then one day all the pieces just fell into place. I put her first reader in front of her, and she began to read it. 

Very. Proud. Moment.

And just because I like to keep it real... here is some evidence that it's still crazy, and at times, down right out of control around here. :)

the never ending pile of laundry

a third of a bag of cheerios. dumped on the floor.

this happens on a daily basis.